Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Hope & Faith
The whirling dervish that has defined my life, over the last 4 months, has finally headed out to sea. Sharing the details is overwhelming and too personal at this point but, suffice it to say: my decision making skills lacked rationality, discernment and the most basic common sense. The children and I moved TWICE in 3 months. I'm talking full-blown, pack everything we own, get settled in new home #1 only to start the process again as soon as we got settled. Thanks to my amazingly supportive family (my big sister, Kim, especially...who took charge as soon as I reached out for help) and some wonderful friends, the kids and I are peacefully nesting in new home #2.
During the course of all of this self-inflicted drama, I have had a tremendously difficult time maintaining my faith that God was still in control and that He had a greater plan than I could comprehend. Oh, I prayed fervently and sincerely that my children and I would get out of "hell house" in one piece...which we did. I prayed that we would find a safe haven until I could begin to sort through the disastrous rubble...which we did. I prayed that I could find the resources necessary to put a roof over our heads...which I did (HUGE thanks to Mom & Dad). I prayed that the emotional damage, to my children, would be minimal (or at least manageable)...which it is. Why then was I feeling that God was conspicuously absent/ busy/ preoccupied during my time of need? As always, I get so short-sighted in the midst of a storm and I comfortably rest my hiney on the pity pot, drowning in a near terminal case of "woes me". As the turbulence has begun to die down, I can see that God never jumped ship. He was, in fact, answering every single prayer I offered, in spite of MY fears and doubts. Life is good as long as I stay out of my own way!